Go Your Own Way (Elf Edition)

I feel like one of the MOST POWERFUL things that I can personally teach our children is this:

…

Often, we move diffently than the “world” moves. Often we do things differently than every one else does. And that’s okay. 

When they’re older, I will share with them that our marriage moves differently than most everyone else, too. And that’s okay. 

And here’s how I will explain why:

Our experiences in life NEED to feel good and authentic to “us”. If we get caught up in what everyone else is doing we will, at some point, find ourselves being disappointed. 

Disappointed in our ability to be “perfect,” disappointed in our ability to “keep up,” disappointed in our ability to do it like everyone else does, (or seems to), at least on social media. (Even though we truly don’t know how others are doing any of it.) 

Are they doing it begrudgingly, or are they doing it joyfully? The answer is: We don’t really know. And whether it’s public or not, it’s really none of our business. (That’s my perspective). 

Any time I hear or see a new trend rising, especially if it’s quickly, I often find myself taking a “pause”. Whether that’s with new shows everyone is crazy about, clothing trends, or holiday trends, (like “Elf on the Shelf” for example. 😋) 

It may sound silly but when it comes to trends, I can’t help but take a step back and really sit with the idea. I ask the question, “Is this even best for me, my marriage, or my family?” If it seems harmless, then I start to ask myself the next question(s): “How does it fit into our lives? Is there room for it? 

— I tend to approach all new, (especially “trendy”) topics with this logic and reasoning. Although, there was a time in my life when I would jump in head first before realizing that it did not serve me or my family!

For now, I am going to use the “ELF on the SHELF” as as an example. We’ve never had this elf in our lives or in our homes, but this year the kids asked if they could have that funny little elf that plays tricks on you, too. They’ve heard about it from friends and cousins and I REALLY had to sit with the idea. (And sit I did! 🤣)

I can often be stubborn and not want to participate in things like this at all, but thought, “Lean in with your heart and what does it say?”

— My main hesitation was, (as some of you already know), we don’t celebrate “Santa Claus” the way that most of the western world seems to. Suffice to say, Santa is not at the center of our family traditions or holiday celebrations. 

Our children don’t receive gifts from Santa. We don’t prompt them to write letters to him, although they have for fun with cousins on their own, because imaginations are marvelous things for kids and they have every right to explore that! 

I’ve never squashed any of their fun imaginary scenarios, from Santa Claus, to the tooth fairy, to unicorns, fairies, and gnomes. 

When they’ve asked me if any of these things are real, I often reply with these go-to sentences, “What does your heart say?” Or “I’ve personally never met them.” And, “Remember, every family is different. Remember every family has different traditions and different ways to celebrate. These traditions are part of what makes us all unique!” 

They will often get a twinkle in their eye, meaning they believe what they want to believe and we’ve had some years where Mila didn’t believe Santa was real, the following year she decided that she was going to catch him to prove it one way or the other, and this year she’s playful again with the idea of it. 

We decided to take this approach before we even had kids for many of our own reasons, the biggest one being that I didn’t grow up with the tradition. This way we don’t ever need to be dishonest and our kids can still imagine, dream and be kids. 

So, you can see why adding an ELF that could reinforce this narrative could feel a bit tricky for me. 

After sitting in my heart, with all of my pros and cons on the subject, I decided that it only had to be as serious as I decided it to be. My goal was for our family to just have fun with it. 

I decided this LITTLE RED MANIAC was going to join our family… but with ONE RULE… There are no rules! 🥰

I had heard about so many of the “rules” that come with it and that part never felt good for me. If I don’t understand or resonate with the “restrictions” around it, there’s no way I would be enforcing it. I never opened the book of rules about the elf’s appearance or existence. I will not share a list of rules about the elf at all with our kids. (No judgement for anyone who did approach it this way, I just knew that part wasn’t meant for us. ❤️) 

The kids are allowed to pick up and play with the elf whenever they please. 

For example, on the first day, they all got so creative, that they built a bed for the elf, (out of a cereal box), added bedding, and even an eye mask to sleep at night. The kids also decided that the elf was going to be a girl. (Perhaps it’s because of the eyelashes?) They named the elf “Rosie”, and by now It’s mid December and “she” has a small Christmas Tree, stocking, a night stand, a wardrobe closet (made from a yogurt tube box), and so on. They tuck her in every night, eye mask and all. 🥰

To be honest, it’s actually the sweetest thing to watch! 

There are zero references to being “bad” or “good” because truthfully speaking, I believe ALL children are inherently good! 

This means I never “have” to move her anywhere and they’ll never be disappointed in the morning! And if we feel up for it and feel creative we can do some silly things with her now and again, too. 😊

I know there may be a lot of pressure out there to be doing “ALL” the things. But I am here to remind you that there’s a way to do some of it if you choose. There’s also a way to do those things on your own terms — in a way that feels authentic to you. 

When it comes to our kids, WE are their gauge for what’s important and what’s true. Our kids are thrilled to just be doing what some of their friends are doing and that’s fair. We are still a part of this community after all. 😊 They’re excited to have a family experience that we’re all a part of, and I know they enjoy this special little holiday tradition together. 

When they go to a friend’s house and find out that they’re not allowed to touch their elf, they come home, report their findings, in a curious way. I say to our kids, “every family is different, and every home is different. This means the way that they do things are different too. And, that’s okay” I further explain, “We are going to experience MANY times in life where other families do things differently! It’s truly a beautiful thing!” 🥰

Our niece was over the other night and said something about their family elf. Immediately after my kids looked at me, and I repeated my words, “All families are different.” They nodded in agreement and the kids carried on with their conversation. (Children are absolutely brilliant that way!) 🙌🏼

Another friend slept over last weekend and the look of shock on her face when Mila picked up the elf to tuck her into her bed gave us all a moment of pause. Mila, without missing a beat, said, “We have a baby who lives here, so we need the kind of magic that lets us play with our elf.” 

(Which is true and a great explanation, since Atlas, our youngest wouldn’t listen to that kind of rule, as he’s not even two years old… and we all know toddlers touch everything!)

Mila’s friend relaxed and said, “Totally! That makes sense!” The friend continued, “I’m scared to touch it!” 

She finally touched it with one finger, but then quickly after scooped up the elf and gave her a big hug. 

This also told me that Mila and her other cousins had been discussing why they thought we were allowed to touch the elf in our house and that’s the theory they came up with! Which was also cute for them all to hold space and grace for their baby brother! 🥰

It turns out that it’s been a fun experiment of learning. Brett and I are surprised that we’ve actually enjoyed doing fun little things here and there with this silly elf. 

Playing little heartfelt tricks, and moving it around into fun different scenes, for the kids. We genuinely didn’t think we would enjoy it the way we have!

However, I think anytime you put time or effort towards your family it’s a win. I think that’s the ACTUAL magic of this tradition. 

The magic comes from the detailed and playful thought that passes from parents to children. Magic is found in the feeling and in the thought that comes from our hearts. And children truly enjoy all of it – whatever traditions we choose to put our energy into as a family. 

(Side note: I want to mention that I was nervous about not having ideas around this concept and found a small business in Edmonton, Alberta that creates 24 Days of Elf on the Shelf. “Elf Made Easy” – ELF IN A BOX .

It was awesome because I used all the crafts that they included in our large family advant calendar, and then used the rest of the crafts for setting up scenes (if I am looking for creative ideas.) Plain and simple: it has been a lot of fun! (As anything we choose to integrate into our lives needs to be, don’t you think? ❤️)

I asked the kids the other day if they believe in Santa. Leo said, “Sure.” Atlas said, “NO!” (One of his current favourite words)! Aria shrugged her shoulders in an, “I don’t know,” kind of way. Mila said, “I don’t know… I really don’t think so but it’s a fun story mom.” And that’s the best answer I’ve heard for the concept in a long time! Leave it to children to make sense of the unknown.

I also want to share that I don’t have anything against anyone who chooses to celebrate Santa as the reason for the season. It’s just not how I was raised, so it’s not something I am familiar with or authentic to me. The way we have proceeded as a family makes the most sense for us and our family. I deeply encourage you all to do the same, follow your heart and do what aligns with you, and you and your family will thrive! 🥰

Anyway, I just wanted to take a moment to encourage you all. 

I know that you’re all out there doing your best, juggling it all. And you’re not alone. Here’s a reminder to not be so hard on yourself and remember to go to your heart in times of confusion and chaos. It will NEVER let you down! ❤️

My heart guided our family to a new adventure with a crazy little elf. And that crazy little character has certainly brought a lot of joy to our family, even if we’re making up the rules as we go. I know if Brett wrote this blog with me he’d have a witty pun about marching to the beat of our own family drum that would tie in with the Little Drummer Boy, but for now, I’ll just wish you a very Merry Christmas from our family to yours. (Oh, and Rosie, our Elf on the Shelf, wishes you a magical holiday too!)

I am going to leave you with a song that inspired the title of todays blog! Have a listen, “Go Your Own Way” – Fleetwood Mac.

Below are a few photos of our elf.