Leaving

Does anyone else make plans to leave and get away, yet the MOMENT you do, out comes your phone and out come the photos of the kids — the very humans you may have needed to take a “breather” from!?

What is it about those little people that can make you want to pull your hair out one moment and in the same breath make you want to wake them from a sleep just because you miss them!? 

Am I the only one that feels this way!?

Do you struggle leaving your kids?

I know that our sweet Leo is a year old now but this is something that I have ALWAYS struggled with! I remember leaving him would give me severe anxiety in the past. I always struggled walking out that door, no matter who was watching my kids.  Was it because I was missing out?  Was it separation anxiety? I even received beautiful photos and videos of the kids, having a blast, and it was still hard to be away from them…

Over the years, it has slowly gotten better.  My perspective has started to shift, and as the kids have gotten older, I have found that what has worked well for me is actually doing it MORE often. (And by doing “it”, I mean leaving more often.)  Shocking!  Leaving the house is important, but equal to just “getting out” is doing so with intention, AND tuning in to why I needed that time away in the first place.

Let me explain…

There are a few reasons for me to leave the kids at home.  The top reason has been for simply just ME.  My needs.  My mental clarity.  I accomplish this through self-love and care. These needs are met by doing things that I used to love OR finding new things that help me tune in, rest and relax. What is also so important is that this self-love time allows space for inspiration to grow!  If I am not at my best, feeling my best, not rested, and so on, I cannot give my best to my kids, or my spouse.  We essentially cannot give what we do not have. This applies to human beings in general, not just mothers.  However, mothers do tend to put everyone else’s needs ahead of their own.

Which leads me to ask, is this a prerequisite to becoming a mother?

Anyway, the second reason I leave is because it’s important for me to take the time away to invest in my relationship and marriage with Brett.  (We have been fortunate enough to carve out time, space, and energy to REALLY focus on our personal relationship and marriage this year.)  That means our time as a family has OVERALL been better than past years.  We have worked really hard to be healthier, and happier, too.  By carving out a little “Mommy and Daddy Time” (as Brett likes to call it), we can focus on bettering ourselves, which in turn betters everything for our family.

I’ll reiterate…  Leaving the kids is hard to do.  Yet, it has been so necessary for me personally.

Focusing on myself, and focusing on our marriage allows me to justify the time away, especially since the entire family is going to benefit from a “better me”.  Being a “better me” is an example of something that I would tell myself whenever I am away and need a little pep talk to get myself out the door, into that car, or sometimes onto that airplane.

Leaving for the first time is always the hardest, but the bond you can form with your spouse, or the time you take to appreciate and pamper yourself will be so undeniably beautiful, that I believe you will come back to “normal life” in a better state of mind, body, and soul. Did I mention the INCREDIBLE greeting, of love and appreciation that you will get upon returning home!? It becomes a MAJOR reset for you, your kids, and the entire family!

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Over the past few years as I struggled to leave, I had to look in the mirror, and basically say to myself, “It’s time to dig deep and find a way to be at peace with leaving.”  I’d also have to remind myself that if I can’t focus my mind, and if my brain will still be back at home, then I may as well stay at home. (There is nothing wrong with this! It just means that I wasn’t ready to leave yet, and that is ok!)  This however became an “all-in” situation for me where both my physical body and my mental focus needed to take a break from parenting and focus on just my relationship or my own self-love and care.  And, since I’ve dedicated specific blocks of time to doing this, I’ve found more inspiration as a mother, to come back to the house with a new perspective, a clearer mind, and more fire inside. And furthermore, I was able to accomplish this with peace in my heart about going!

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It often helped/helps me to tell myself advice as I would tell my children.  What would I tell Mila, Aria, or Leo, if they had three children and they NEVER took time for themselves!?

I would book the flight for them, book the hotel for them, steal their kids, and make them go away somewhere!  Why!?  Because I love them THAT MUCH, and I know how valuable that time away is, to centre and gain clarity and a fresh perspective!  THIS IS HOW I NOW NEED TO BE LOVING MYSELF! 

So, why is it still so hard? 

I think a lot about how my actions are teaching my children.  So, on this topic, I feel I have an opportunity to be teaching our kids how to love themselves, which is an incredible gift.

If you are like me, or if you are struggling with this too, just remember the few things that I’ve discovered.  Leaving your family, and leaving your kids is important…

1. Leaving to better your self.  Practice self-love and care.
2. Leaving to spend time with your spouse, focus on important relationships, and reconnect with those in your life that have been unintentionally neglected due to your business as a parent. (I say business because it is the most important work I personally have ever done)!
3. Leaving to show your kids that taking the time to care for yourself is a very important part of life.

I know that today the thought of leaving your little ones may seem IMPOSSIBLE! I want to remind you that You Are Stronger Than You Know! There is NO rush for you to go! ONLY you will know when you are ready!

You are not alone! I believe that we were put on this earth to connect and support one another! Comment below with what you struggle with to leave your family OR with things that have helped you leave!?

Hugs,